Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
