remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
