Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
