I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
The ass gains better be worth it
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
