That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
