i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
