Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
