I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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