This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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