I think I am morally bankrupt
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
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she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
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the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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