She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
