It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
