Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
