I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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