I can text with my tongue
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
