I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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