you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
