I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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