She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
