yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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