6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
