I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
