the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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