Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
