I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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