Too much gin, very little bucket
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
