I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I smell like Dick and happiness
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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