I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
