im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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