She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
