My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
