Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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