he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
