I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
