no, he came in my armpit
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
