So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
