Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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