dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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