Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
