You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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