We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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