i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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