Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
