how can u be prego again
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
