It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
apparently the secret to your success is patron
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
