TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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