I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
