The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
