He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
