Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
