never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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