my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I could fuck to npr.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
