you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
