So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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