bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize