I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
