If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
