lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
