This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
