Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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