Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
