I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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