i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
