Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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