Your tits are I can't wait for
well I can't set my house on fire every night
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
