Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
