Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
