Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
