Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
